So I can't speak from experience on how to keep a marriage intact.
Yet I can see the wisdom (and honest humor) in this guy's blogpost, which he gained through the sad experience of several failed marriages.
After you read his tips, please come back and add any additional thoughts you have in the comments.
CLICK HERE TO READ "16 Ways I Blew My Marriage".
PS The "bonuses" on some of the tips are pretty funny.
What did you think? Anything else you'd add, married or long-dating friends?
I think there are numerous things you could add to this list, but for me I've learned two invaluable lessons from my whole two long-term relationships (both 3+ years)
ReplyDelete1: Don't lose your sense of self. It's ok to pursue different interests, and you do NOT need to be joined at the hip. As important as it is to do things together I would argue it's more important to do things for you. You want to take a pottery class and the honey isn't interested? I still say take it. Not only does it give you an opportunity to learn and enrich yourself but it makes you happy. I've found when you're happy in your own life your relationship is happier, too. Plus when you're NOT joined at the hip you actually have things to talk about.
2: Always treat them as you would a guest in your home. Would you yell at your house guest for leaving a towel on the floor or for drinking the last of the milk? Of course not. I'm not saying be a door mat by any means, but definitely choose your battles. If at the end of the day the only thing getting upset will accomplish is hurt feelings and resentment then I've found it's best to just let it go.
I guess we're doing something right, because I read that list and said "duh. doesn't everyone do that?" I guess not. :) We've been married for 9.5 years and those items seem like common sense to me. I would also add:
ReplyDelete1. before you do anything else, learn to communicate with one another. if you can't do that, your relationship isn't going to survive. at the very least, it's not going to be a happy and functional one.
2. definitely learn to pick your battles and know when something is not worth fighting about. when we are arguing sometimes, we will say "honey, i love you, but we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one." that pretty much ends the argument and lets us get on with our night. :)
3. never belittle your spouse or bring them down. you know better than anyone how to hurt them. make sure you never do.
4. this obviously isn't going to work for everyone, but I would say don't have kids right away. enjoy time just being a couple and figuring things out. you have your entire life to be parents, you only have a few years to be Mr. and Mrs. Once you have kids, don't forget that the best thing you can give your kids is happy parents that are in love. Make an effort!!
I stopped reading Single Dad Laughing awhile ago, but must admit this list has a lot of good points.
ReplyDeleteI disagree a little with not letting kids see you fight sometimes, though. A friend of mine mentioned she'd have a better idea of how she's supposed to fight with her husband if she had seen the way her parents resolved conflicts. Something to think about.