You suck. We aren't friends right now.
Regards,
Me
I regret to inform you that our regularly scheduled dates are postponed until further notice. Please direct all complaints and resolution inquiries to left calf.
Always your friend,
Aaron
Dear Hasher friends (my running club),
While I've been attending and doing the walker trail in recent weeks, I really can't wait to be back in the pack and hunting those hares. True, I know the FRBs are the real chasers, but I like feeling useful in solving a check here and there. Also, I'm hoping to be back to hare the St Patty's trail.
On on,
LDS
Dear scientists,
How are the cyborg experiments going? I am ready for a new left calf, because my current one hates me and won't let me get through runs without pain. Robocop was made in 1987, so you've got to be close. I mean, hoverboards from Back to the Future (1985) are in pre-order already (see attached picture). Please keep me posted.
Anxiously awaiting your response,
Aaron
Thank you for supporting me in this trying time and for providing comfort to ease my pain. I know I don't pay you much attention when I'm not injured, so it means a lot for you to step up when I need you.
Much appreciation,
Aaron
PS Sadly, I can guarantee that as soon as I'm healed, you'll again get very little attention*. C'est la vie!
Dear roads, sidewalks, trails, and treadmills,
I will miss you while I'm unable to visit. Just know that you always provide clarification and mental cleansing, and I'll likely be a mess until we're reunited. In the Governator's words, "I'll be back." Hopefully sooner rather than later.
Achingly yours,
Aaron
Dear bicycle,
We will hopefully be getting reacquainted in the next few weeks, so I hope you're ready to roll (pun intended). This is dependent on your cooperation with left calf, who is being finicky lately. I'll be making large quantities of Gatorade to our parties, along with a little chain grease for you. If the groundhog was right and weather stays/gets cold, our old friend the CycleOps trainer will also join us. I promise he's a good time, and you two get along swimmingly.
Ready to pedal,
Aaron
Dear pool,
I just wrote to bicycle and was reminded that you and I are out of touch. Such a tragedy. Given my current spat with left calf, I look forward to reuniting with you and bicycle on a regular basis. Please be ready and at the appropriate temperature for swim training. Also, not too much chlorine if you can help it.
You're the best dive I know,
Aaron
Dear left calf (again),
I'm sorry I was hard on you earlier. It's just really hard waking up and knowing that you're keeping me from my running. For so long, you were a contributor, and now you're holding the team back. Please remember that there's no "I" in team... or in calf.
Pulling my weight, how about you?
Aaron
Dear healthy diet and old man body of mine,
Let's pitch in and help left calf get better soon. When he's unhappy, no one's happy.
You know it's true,
Aaron
*Except DVR will still get used for Justified. How does neither Hulu nor FX offer full episodes?
Dear both of my feet,
ReplyDeletePlease stop cramping just as I go to bed, and stop giving left calf permission to do so, too. I enjoy a massage as much as the next person, but this is NOT the way to ask. I'll try to ease up on the high heels eat more papaya if you'll allow me to relax at bedtime.
Yours, Megan
P.S. Aaron, this post is hilarious! Mom liked it so much she commented on it at dinner on Sunday. Love you greatly!