January 30, 2012

Beware the Vengeful Friends of an Ex, Including Me

It's frustrating to get dumped.
That's an established and widely acknowledged fact.

But what about the way someone can feel towards a person that spurned their friend?
I bet you've seen and/or experienced that powerful spite in some form, haven't you?

I have, and here are two examples (one from each side of the spectrum):

Example #1: I'm the recipient
This girl *Lisa that always gives me crusty looks because I didn't keep dating her friend *Vivian.
Funny, because Vivian and I never even reached the hand-holding stage, let alone serious dating.
Lisa doesn't know why I didn't keep asking her friend out, and she likely never will.
But if she wants to be crusty, that's her choice. No skin off my nose.
Example #2: I'm the giver
My buddy *Chris was head-over-heels for a gal named *Jenny.
I don't know why they broke up, but I still kind of harbor negative feelings for her.
She's a fun, friendly girl, and fortunately I don't run into her very often anyway.
My choice is to be nice to her when I do run into her, even though I'm still a little bitter.

Turns out forgiveness isn't just for the people that were in the relationship.
Sometimes (often?) it's also for the friends and loved ones of those who broke up.

So I'm letting go my bothered feelings towards Jenny and others who've hurt my friends.

Man, I feel better already.

How about you? Any unnecessary vengeful feelings holding you down?
I encourage you to let them go. Isn't it about time?

*Names changed to protect both the innocent and not-so-innocent.


  1. so when i met jon, he had gone on one date with this girl nicole. he didn't even think it was a date, that they were just hanging out. well, nicole had apparently already picked out their children's names, etc. so when i came home on winter break from BYU, met jon and "stole him" from nicole, her parents never forgave me. HER PARENTS! to this day, they will see jon's parents at church and make comments about how their kids almost got married, etc. no matter that nicole is happily married with children. funny.

  2. Props for "stealing" Jon away from her, Jen! Clearly her parents could see what a great guy he is, so I'm glad you ended up with him. Also, I'm glad she found someone and is happily married. That makes it even funnier that the parents are still griping about the whole thing.

  3. If looks could kill, Mr. G's brother would have murdered me a long time ago. This in spite of the fact that Mr. G is engaged and I am not, so he actually got the better part of the deal.

    Agreed that grudges are funnier when the two parties involved are in happy relationships with other people! Props to friends for caring so much, but when all ends well, it's time to let go!

  4. I have a very good friend (that I used to date) who dated a girl named *Ellie. Ellie treated my friend really poorly. Granted, I only saw one side of the story, but I was super unhappy with the side I was getting. This poor treatment of my friend lasted on and off for months. I was super mad at Ellie and declared her to be a horrible person.

    Multiple classes in college, and even working at the same restaurant didn't help. I, to some level, still keep this grudge with me. Over half a decade later. Because she was mean to someone I care about.

    But maybe I should give it up...

    *Ellie is her actual name, I hope she does read this.

  5. Moments of letting go are both liberating and uncomfortable at the same time. For a while we get these distorted drama flicks playing out in our minds (from either view of the vengeful fence) only to find that we are more exhausted than those who are on the other side of it. Cheers to letting go... and moving on.

    Forward with faith, and good friends to keep us standing.