November 23, 2011

The Friend Zone

Today the hilarious site Doghouse Diaries shared this little bit of wisdom about the human experience.
I was talking with a friend the other day and she was wondering if she could do anything to get a guy she likes to ask her out, when she's pretty sure that he's already placed her firmly in the friend zone. While clearly it's different from each gender's position (based on the standard gender roles, which aren't necessarily correct but nonetheless are generally followed), it got me thinking.

So my question to you in the blogosphere is this:
Is it possible to move from the friend zone to the dating zone?

A few years ago, I tried to subtly take the first option from the comic strip by asking out a girl that I'd been friends with for a long time. She accepted the date but then DTR'ed me even before we went out, letting me know she couldn't ever see us being more than the friends we were/are.

Things were awkward for a while, but we're still friends. However, I kind of decided at that point that I was done attempting to escape the friend zone going forward. Pain and rejection can be harsh teachers.

Any of you have stories to the contrary? Or is it just romantic comedy movies that this works in?


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  2. Honestly it all depends on the person. I had put Mr. Wonderful in the friend zone-clear back in High School-or so I thought. Now we're totally in love and talking marriage.

    I think the relationships based on friendship are better than those that are based on the initial attraction anyway. My most successful relationships have been ones that we started out as friends then decided to take it past the friend zone. Even if it didn't work out-I'm still able to continue the friendship because that foundation was there.

    I know every situation is different and some friendships are best left as friendships it's definitely possible to get out of the friend zone. Usually all it requires is a good dose of patience...or cahones...

  3. I haven't had any success with the friends-first dating scenarios. I have had lots of success dating first and then staying friends when you realize you just don't want to be romantically involved but they are too cool to never talk to again. :)
    I met my husband at my brother's wedding. A week later I flew back to school and he stayed on the east coast. We emailed and talked on the phone for 4 months until I graduated. Got married 3 months after that. So...we became great friends and didn't do the traditional dating thing but it still wasn't a friends-first kind of relationship.

  4. Great comic! I think it's a case-by-case issue though. I've tried it twice -- once it was wonderful, dating your best friend... the other time it lasted for only a few days before realizing we were much better as friends sans dating relationship.

    So, I think it just depends on the person. I have been surprised before when guys who I thought, "Oh, he's only a friend" start to become more. Interesting question!