September 19, 2011

Avast! Tis International Talk like a Pirate Day!

Ahoy mateys!
Every day is special.
But some arrr extra-special.
Like today, 'cause it's International Talk like a Pirate Day.

Fer starters, a pirate name's required.
Click [here] and find out what yers is.
I like mine because it reminds me of WWF wrestler Hacksaw Jim Duggan, who I just learned is from the same town as former BYU basketball and now NBA player Jimmer Fredette.
Glens Falls, NY, has been good to the USA.
Next ye'll need a sweet pirate catch-phrase.
Come up with yer own, or click [here] to get a random one.
Apparently pirate-me is not a sea tortoise fan.
If ye have a costume, t'would be a shame not to wear it.
Sadly, for most of corporate America (including me), that ain't an option.

Lastly, brush up on yer pirate lingo.
Here be a cheat sheet fer ye:
Ahoy! - "Hello!"
Avast! - Stop and give attention. It can be used in a sense of surprise, "Whoa! Get a load of that!" which today makes it more of a "Check it out" or "No way!" or "Get off!"
Aye! - "Why yes, I agree most heartily with everything you just said or did."
Aye aye! - "I'll get right on that sir, as soon as my break is over."
Arrr! - This one is often confused with arrrgh, which is of course the sound you make when you sit on a belaying pin. "Arrr!" can mean, variously, "yes," "I agree," "I'm happy," "I'm enjoying this beer," "My team is going to win it all," "I saw that television show, it sucked!" and "That was a clever remark you or I just made." And those are just a few of the myriad possibilities of Arrr!
Beauty – The best possible pirate address for a woman. Always preceded by “me,” as in, “C’mere, me beauty,” or even, “me buxom beauty,” to one particularly well endowed. You’ll be surprised how effective this is.
Bilge rat – The bilge is the lowest level of the ship. It’s loaded with ballast and slimy, reeking water. A bilge rat, then, is a rat that lives in the worst place on the ship. On TLAP Day – A lot of guy humor involves insulting your buddies to prove your friendship. It’s important that everyone understand you are smarter, more powerful and much luckier with the wenches than they are. Since bilge rat is a pretty dirty thing to call someone, by all means use it on your friends.
Grog – An alcoholic drink, usually rum diluted with water, but in this context you could use it to refer to any alcoholic beverage other than beer, and we aren’t prepared to be picky about that, either. Call your beer grog if you want. We won’t stop you! Water aboard ship was stored for long periods in slimy wooden barrels, so you can see why rum was added to each sailor’s water ration – to kill the rancid taste.
Hornpipe – Both a single-reeded musical instrument sailors often had aboard ship, and a spirited dance that sailors do. On TLAP Day – We are not big fans of the capering, it’s not our favorite art form, if you will, so we don’t have a lot to say on the subject, other than to observe that the common term for being filled with lust is “horny,” and hornpipe then has some comical possibilities. “Is that a hornpipe in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? Or both?”
Lubber – (or land lubber) This is the seaman’s version of land lover, mangled by typical pirate disregard for elocution. A lubber is someone who does not go to sea, who stays on the land. On TLAP Day – More likely than not, you are a lubber 364 days of the year. But not if you’re talking like a pirate! Then the word lubber becomes one of the more fierce weapons in your arsenal of piratical lingo. In a room where everyone is talking like pirates, lubber is ALWAYS an insult.
Smartly – Do something quickly. On TLAP Day – “Smartly, me lass,” you might say when sending the bar maid off for another round. She will be so impressed she might well spit in your beer.
And now yer prepared to fully enjoy International Talk like a Pirate Day, me mateys!


  1. Here's my favorite pirate joke:

    Q: What's a pirate's favorite letter?

    A: You'd think it would be "arrrrr", but really, it's the "sea!"

    Thanks for the primer -- hope I don't embarrass myself too much today!